@Elizasoul80: I don't want your undivided attention. I want your multiplied attention. Make clones of yourself and give me all of their attention too.
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@ohheyohhihello: SUBWAY EMPLOYEE: What would you like- ME: I'D LIKE TO CREATE A SHOW ABOUT A DOG WHO FLIPS HOUSES SE: -on your sandwich? ME: FIXER PUPPER
@TheTweetOfGod: All human beings are threads interwoven in the great tapestry of life, except for that one guy at your office. What the hell is his problem?
@tangledteatime: Me: Let me pet your dogs, mister! Him: Not you again. Get outta here! [LATER] Me: *wearing moustache* Excuse me sir