@tealbluejay: I don't wear a watch because my inner 3yo thinks nothing exists until I get there.
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@lisaxy424: *phone rings* Meh, if it's so important, they'll leave a message. *voicemail notification* Meh, if it's so important, they'll text.
@david8hughes: [phone rings] Mum: your grandad isn't well. I'm afraid he's on his deathbed Me: well tell him to get in a different bed then
@xLiserx: 1 of the 7 newly discovered planets has already been declassified after discovering it was merely Pluto wearing high heels & sunglasses.