@tealbluejay: I don't wear a watch because my inner 3yo thinks nothing exists until I get there.
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@KyleMcDowell86: If I learned anything from Aladdin it was that if u just keep lying to a girl eventually u will get to marry her and live at her dad's house
@combatacademysd: To me, being Single means never having to apologize.. Unless someone drops by my disgusting house unannounced
@LaziestCanine: [on intercom] Pilot: does anyone know how to land an airplane? asking for a friend, i swear