@MrSandeepP: I dont't want to die a virgin because that means I'll have to have sex with terrorists.
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@robolollycop: Teach a man to fish and he will evolve to become so skilled at it that he destroys the ocean and kills every last fish. Nice one education.
@internetluke: [leaving HS reunion w/ date] Aren't you going to ask why everybody was calling me 'smelly boy' tonight? "Seemed pretty clear I thought"
@andreeahluscu: Listening to Jay-Z has literally taught me everything I know about whether or not a cop can legally search my car.
@electrolemon: independence day 2 has been out in the US for mere hours and it has already been upstaged by a somehow even worse independence day overseas