@simoncholland: I downloaded the Pinterest app and now my phone is stuck in a mason jar.
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@Rollmaninoz: Coworker: you play any sports Me: yeah but I've had to take a break from it CW: oh..Injury? Me: *thinks about broken controller* yeah..kinda
@thepunningman: Guard: Sorry, no dogs Man: But it's a guide dog Guard: Oh, ok Guide Dog: And if you look to your left you'll notice an insensitive jerk
@jbillinson: Biden: They don't really think I'd say this stuff, right? Obama: Come on Joe, you've said worse Biden: HE'S NOT MY PRESIDENT BARACK. YOU ARE
@tarashoe: STRANGER: she has a book. cute and smart ME: [taking a bite of the small layer cake i made to look like a book] STRANGER: a stunning genius