@simoncholland: I downloaded the Pinterest app and now my phone is stuck in a mason jar.
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@sixfootcandy: How to get out of jury duty: When they read the charges, no matter what they are, yell out "Oh come on. Even I've done THAT!"
@TheBoydP: My walk of shame is leaving a handicapped restroom stall while trying not to make eye contact with the wheelchair guy who was waiting on me.
@wickedsuga: Everyone needs that one friend that will promise to redraw your chalk outline to make you look skinnier.