@lovemydogduck: I drank so much wine last night when i walked across the dance floor to get another glass, i won the dance competition.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@ericsshadow: [undercover FBI agent who's had me under surveillance for weeks decides to blow his cover] do you ever stop eating?
@MableGertrude: Things were different in the 80s one time I was kidnapped for a week and no one looked for me. I came home & my room was converted to a gym.
@Momtoteens: If you don’t wear a body wallet to bed with all your cash in it, you aren’t really raising teens.
@Sirrruh: Life has taught me if you go to the store for milk and you're high, you won't buy milk. You will spend half your rent on hot pockets though.