@lovemydogduck: I drank so much wine last night when i walked across the dance floor to get another glass, i won the dance competition.
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@SaraMansford: I wish scientists could make us as indestructible as cartoons. I've got a list of people I'd like to drop an anvil on.
@LemmingDad: When children vomit, sometimes it sounds like they're saying the names of Ikea furniture.
@ACall55: Plot twist: maybe eating a doughnut wasn't cheating on my diet. Maybe going on a diet was cheating on my doughnut.
@TheTrueDocLove: I'm bored I think I'll go to the mall, find a really good parking spot and sit there with my reverse lights on.