@Discourt: I dream of a day when my toddler can poop and the entire neighborhood doesn't have to hear her say she's done.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@tastefactory: You should always choose B) on multiple choice tests because it looks like a cool sunglasses face. That guy knows what he's talking about.
@JermHimselfish: People who make up phrases and try to pass them off as popular sayings are just throwing meat to the monkeys in the middle of a maelstrom.
@SerialFuckup: Today's life lesson: "I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing them off is a piece of cake."
@skickwriter: Saying you like a lot of meat in your taco is received differently on Twitter than it is on Facebook. I know that now.