@JermHimselfish: I dream of living in a world where men are judged not by the color of their skin, but by the contents of their iPod.
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@VaguelyFunnyDan: The gal in front of me on this flight didn't enjoy me stroking her forehead after she reclined into my lap. Thought we were having a moment.
@ArfMeasures: OWNER: The museum's ready? ME: All the artichokes are in place OWNER: Ha, you mean artifacts [I slam the door shut] ME: U cannot go in there
@BoutCrazed: "I'm frying some fish for supper, so yall come over & eat" is what I said. "You're also gonna be helping me move my piano" is what I meant.