@drxubair: I dream to live in a world where I can politely get out of plans by saying, "I'm so sorry, but I just remembered I don't want to"
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@Book_Krazy: Me: The new guy's a lumberjack? Boss: Yep Me: He seems nice... Boss: STOP Me: I'll bet he's good at... Boss: DONT Me: random axe of kindness
@SteveDutzy: Clark Kent is such a hipster. He has fake glasses, still uses phone booths, & prides himself as being the only one who hasn't seen Superman
@Donna_McCoy: "I hate seeing you like this," she thought every time she encountered anyone over the course of the day.
@iwearaonesie: wife [gives me piece of fruit] Try this me: Tastes like hand sanitizer wife: Did you just use hand sanitizer? me: Yeah wife me wife me: Why?