@drxubair: I dream to live in a world where I can politely get out of plans by saying, "I'm so sorry, but I just remembered I don't want to"
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@TheMichaelRock: CW: I spent all weekend raking leaves. Me: I don't rake. CW: Leaves will kill your grass! Me: I wonder how grass survived before humans.
@raydred: Grampa: Hashtag, Cool glasses. Me: Hashtags are a social media thing. You don't have to say, hashtag G: Hashtag, not my favorite grandson
@NoFlipFlops: Sit next to stranger on park bench, hand over envelope with random person's picture, whisper "It has to look like an accident", walk away.