@HousewifeOfHell: I drink because I care. About me. And drinks.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@jimmytorosian: Me: "I have octopus like reflexes." Person: "Don't you mean cat like reflexes?" Me: *squirting him with ink* "Nope."
@ojedge: [date] Me: 'Don't let her know ur a boxing ring announcer…' Her: "Shall we order dessert?" Me: "LET'S GET READY TO EAT APPLE CRUUUUMBLE!"
@dumbbeezie: If you kill a spider you're brave but if you kill a person you're a monster, I'm really tired of these double standards
@NicCageMatch: A barbed wire tattoo is a great way to keep people from breaking into your upper arm.