@super_morgasm: I drink, therefore I am.... Drunk.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@dril: the neighborhood teens have left so many burning bags of garbage on my lawn that everyone thinks that this is the place you burn garbage now
@thepatrickwalsh: When improv teams ask for suggestions, I like to yell "Learn a trade before your father cuts you off financially!"
@heymonroe: That moment of panic when you accidentally swipe left on Bae while getting food off your phone.