@blondebombs: I eat my gummy bears 2 at a time ..no one should die alone
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@WilliamAder: Why hang Wanted posters in the post office? We're not crime-fighting crusaders. We're buying stamps.
@mstluvstrinkets: "Ok, so you love kids and a clean house? Really, you don't drink but you like to drive?" Me, interviewing the perfect sister wife
@AntiJokeJamal: A lion walks into a bar. Several people get up and leave predicting the impending danger at hand.
@vikkaroni: Job interview HR: What's your best asset? Me: I have an excellent memory. HR: Give me an example. Me: Of what?