@nPhelendriqal: I eat pudding with a fork, so no, crossword puzzles aren't really my 'thing'.
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@aveuaskew: You said you couldn't live without me, so it's very inconsiderate of you not to be dead.
@CroweJam: My wife's favorite position is the one where I lie very still wearing nothing but a toe tag and she starts dating again.
@jjhartinger: To the teenager that flipped me off for honking at you. Your phone is on top of your car.