@ScorpionDong: I eat sunflower seeds because I like food but I absolutely love littering
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@buhsbaby_baby: Can I get pregnant from looking at a man in another car, at a red light but then quickly looking away when he looks over?
@SteveSuckington: [Taken 26] Abductor: I have your great granddaughter LIAM NEESON: I literally died 12 years ago
@Rollinintheseat: Kid: "I want to be a doctor when I grow up." Mom: "You can't. Your hands aren't cold enough."
@errdayhustlah: According to my neighbor's rooster, it's 5am now. Also according to my neighbor's rooster, we're having fried chicken for dinner tomorrow.