@bridger_w: I eat the first half of a burrito to get full, I eat the second half to teach myself a lesson
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@carlyken: *travels back to 1930's* okay and that's why you've got to kill hitler FBI: wait so you can just look at naked lady videos anytime you want
@ObscureGent: Mother in law just said global warming with air quotes. It's going to be a long night.
@AndyAsAdjective: Stuck behind a school bus & locked in an intense staring contest w/ a kid at the back. I'm 45 min. off course but I'm not gonna let him win.
@murrman5: [looks up from laptop while updating résumé] son, you're good with computers "I'm alright" how do I find pictures of mean looking dinosaurs?