@bridger_w: I eat the first half of a burrito to get full, I eat the second half to teach myself a lesson
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@therealeatwood: ME: We were doing the spaghetti thing from Lady and the Tramp! Ever heard of romance? MANAGER: Sir, you cannot kiss a dog in my restaurant.
@JasonLastname: Cop: How much have you had to drink? Me: Like six carrot juices Cop: Please step out of the hamster wheel