@Darlainky: I eat the fries that are loose at the bottom of the bag first. That’s what they get for trying to escape.
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@PeteSnacks: Who died and made you king? Oh the king before you died. Well that makes sen- Oh he was your father. Well then I'm very sorry for your loss.
@SamGrittner: If you hold a gift card close enough to your ear you can hear the person who bought it saying, "this'll do"
@KPsych29: I always wear black. That way I'm ready, at any given moment, for an impromptu night out or your funeral, whatever.
@KevinFarzad: It's always awkward ending phone calls with loved ones. I always say, "I love you" and they're like, "thank you for choosing Domino's."