@Scdavis24: I emailed my ex-girlfriend "Are you still alive" and she emailed back "No" which made me sad but also excited that they have email in hell.
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@KalvinMacleod: INTERVIEWER: what’s your greatest strength? ME: I’m good at untying knots INTERVIEWER: oh thank god can u get these running shoes off of me?
@GreenSmoke_: My girlfriend told me once that I need to be more affectionate. Now I have two girlfriends.
@drewjanda: It was a classic Cinderella story: I walked into strangers' houses and made women try on a shoe I found