@Scdavis24: I emailed my ex-girlfriend "Are you still alive" and she emailed back "No" which made me sad but also excited that they have email in hell.
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@cortronic: It's just sad how often I see zookeepers breaking their own "Don't Feed the Animals" rule.
@MikalBershawn: *Kanye trips and falls* SUCH A GENIUS! WHAT A POETIC DEMONSTRATION OF HOW HIS ANCESTORS FELL TO SLAVERY AND ROSE AGAIN *jaden smith cries*
@markleggett: People who say that they don't have time for my bullshit need to learn how to manage their time better. Wake up an hour earlier.