@hipchkk: I encourage my kids to explore art. I insist they know Picasso's Blue Period had nothing to do with the menstrual cycle of a Smurf.
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@DopeyTweeter: Me: Your baby looks funny. Her: That's my dog. M: Yeah.. uh huh. H: ... M: I'd tell everyone it was my dog too if my baby looked like that.
@eedrk: [struts into party on stilts just as everyone starts talking about how they hate stilts. i try to turn around but careen over onto the cake]
@thatUPSdude: Your potato salad recipe is not a "family secret", your uncle Ray who cooks meth in his trailer home is a family secret.