@NYC_Blonde: I enjoy April Fool's Day because I like responding to fake pregnancy announcement texts with "no wonder you've been looking chubby".
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@XplodingUnicorn: My daughters took turns tracing each other over and over with chalk. Now it looks like 25 children were murdered in my driveway.
@LoveYoorFate: It's like my Uncle said, no body, no crime Coworker: I only asked how your weekend was...
@samalmightysam: My girlfriend told me she loved me and wanted to marry me so I shot her in self defense.