@theDanLawler: I enjoy long walks on the beach and that thing you just did with that banana.
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@underchilde: Being surrounded by family and friends is cool unless it's a seance and you're dead.
@CoreyKeyz: Valentine's Day makes me realize how single I really am. But I'm still gonna sleep like a baby knowing I'm not getting cheated on.
@Sally5977: If you’re wondering at what age you’ll stop messing up your life know that it’s not 40 and apparently not 50 either.
@iRowlf: "Yo, somebody filled this calzone with a checkbook and sunglasses!" -Vin Diesel eating a purse