@SGadea: I enjoy romantic scrolls up and down your timeline.
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@chewlongkok_: [On phone to police] Has there been a report of a pervert in the park? P: No, there hasn't. Me: oh good. [Goes back to hiding in bushes]
@TragicAllyHere: If someone asks if you've been crying just say, "why... do you want to watch?" and it will weird them out enough to leave you alone
@Shock_Monster: Driving back from funeral yesterday: Stairway To Heaven *click* Tears In Heaven *click* Highway To Hell *click* Macarena! *leaves it*
@Cheeseboy22: "It's cold!", "Happy birthday!", "I'm so blessed", "Political rant!"... There, now you don't have to go to Facebook today. You're welcome.