@joeldanger: I enjoy visiting countries where I don't speak the language because it requires zero effort to tune out everyone around me.
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@CelebrityChez: Keep your friends close, your enemies closer, your pets in tupperware, your grandad in a crockpot and your mother in law in a ziplock bag.
@RWaddell86: If I was in StarWars I would probably just be that guy that keeps turning his lightsaber on and off and on and off like a pen.
@StellaRtwot: Why do other moms at the playground get all snotty if you ask their husband to push you when you're on a swing?
@iFluff8: Millions of people are killed every year because they didn't check behind the shower curtain first. Be smart. Peep before you poop.