@joeldanger: I enjoy visiting countries where I don't speak the language because it requires zero effort to tune out everyone around me.
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@GingerGander: A new study says vegetarians die younger than smokers, on average, so don't smoke your vegetables...
@freypalm: Driver: My God… that weasel… Onlooker: He just went… “pop”… Weasel’s family: *sobbing* Ice-cream man: I’ve got an idea for a song y’all.
@lasergirl70: On Valentine's evening I usually stay in and watch a romantic movie. You know, like American Psycho.
@Tmoney68: At some point, a guy looked at an onion that was clearly purple & called it red. AND WE'RE JUST SITTING HERE LETTING IT HAPPEN.