@joeldanger: I enjoy visiting countries where I don't speak the language because it requires zero effort to tune out everyone around me.
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@TheTweetOfGod: "Why do bad things happen to good people?" To even out the good things that happen to bad people.
@iamspacegirl: *brain waking up* oh god please not again I can't keep existing in this reality *brain 20 minutes later* 1000000 chameleons is a chamillion
@pharmasean: My sons kidnappers: if u ever want to see your son alive, press 1. Para Español marque dos Me: ugh i just want to speak to a real person