@PeachCoffin: I explained ‘gluten allergy’ to my grandma and she sighed and told me they ate leather belts during WWII to keep from starving
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@matt___nelson: [PetSmart] *approaches checkout with bird seed* "that all for you today?" Yes. How long does it usually take? "For what?" For them to grow
@PoliUncorrect: * Pogoing Outside Your Window ~ Are... You... Sure... You... Don't... Want.... A... Second... Date?
@timdonakowski: Sorry neighbor who’s choking to death, my cat's resting his little head on my leg. This, like, never happens.