@causticbob: I failed my audition as Romeo through a misunderstanding over a stage direction. My copy of the script said: 'Enter Juliet from the rear'
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@goldengateblond: Thank you, true crime show, for saying that was a reenactment. I was pretty upset your camera person didn't stop that murder.
@UnicornSyrup: I put my phone in "airplane mode" and threw it up into the air. It just fell and now my screen is cracked. Worst. Transformer. Ever .
@WilliamAder: I wonder if those Gmail password hackers know how much my dog hates having to learn a new name.
@TheToddWilliams: [creation] GOD: So how do you like the flying? PENGUIN: Meh it's no big deal GOD: Oh is that right