@MiniiG: I fall in love too easily.
It's ditches, I fall in ditches too easily
@Briidashian: Why do I have to use leaves as toilet paper when I go camping while we have bears out there using Charmin?
@Browtweaten: Art teacher: Take your seats, the model is ready
Me: *Disrobes and strikes a pose*
Model: Who the hell are you
@OctopusCavemann: I’ll bet Waldo owed some people money. You don’t get that good at hiding for no reason.
@TheSeanBrewster: I was feeling depressed, then saw a guy with one arm and thought "oh man, I could be getting so much more sympathy if I was missing an arm!"
@joeheenan: Cheers Twitter.