@zorgod: I fear one day my gf will figure out every romantic thing I say to her is a line from Brokeback Mountain.
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@mattytalks: Actually Jennifer, diamonds are a girls best friend, so technically I slept with your second best friend
@im_not_smug: Coworker: That's a stupid song Me: Your face is stupid Coworker: Way to be mature Me: YOUR FACE IS MATURE!!
@SarcasticAlly12: When friends or family ask me if I'm going to have another baby, I just gesture at the chaos of my life and yell, "ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?"