@calamitydaisy: I feel a burst of superiority when I trick a fly into flying out of my car window.
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@bornmiserable: when I die, cross my arms in the casket so I'll look like I'm disappointed in everyone who comes to view my body at the funeral
@blopt: My parents are middle aged. "Mine are to-" [parents burst through bedroom door on horses] "CHILD! DOST THOU DESIRE NOURISHMENT?"
@sixfootcandy: (Breaks car window to save a dog) Guy: I'm in the car! Me: Yeah but it's hot Him: The AC is on! Me: Can I get in? It's really hot out here.