@NathanPlacer: I feel as useless as a Kardashian sister's library card.
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@Thedudish: That awkward moment when your girlfriend is looking up for a noodles recipe on your computer and opens a file called "Asian."
@KenJennings: I bet a lot of people have tried that "See you next year!" joke at the end of December but got proven wrong by dying in a DUI.
@zachreinert03: A good friend bails you out of jail, a best friend is sitting in the cell right next to you, a worst friend framed both of you for murder.