@matt___nelson: I feel bad for all these athletes training for the Olympics in 2016 since we're all gonna die in 2012
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@ThoughtOtter: *hears crying* *finds baby in dumpster* *sees large box full of N64 games* *looks around* "You didn't see anything, baby." *takes box*
@bourgeoisalien: if someone asks you about yourself say "OK, sit down, this is going to be a really long story" then just wander off
@AaronFullerton: Hey cell phone companies, I can't think of a more terrifying selling point than "Unlimited Talk."