@ems: I feel bad for lions at zoos. How would you feel if a bunch of pizzas came to your house, took your picture, and you couldn't even eat them.
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@justabloodygame: [Scooby & the gang catch a regular guy] "Let's see who this ghost really is!" No! Wait, I'm not- [rip off face] *gasps* "OLD MAN SKELETON?"
@KeetPotato: me: "i taught this chimp to say words" chimp: "nice haircut" reporter: "oh my god.. does he know anything else?" me: "sarcasm apparently"
@juliussharpe: At the very highest level of karate, they give you pants that fit so you no longer need a belt.