@ems: I feel bad for lions at zoos. How would you feel if a bunch of pizzas came to your house, took your picture, and you couldn't even eat them.
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@SuicideBooth1: Unicorn: Come on man, do it just one more time. Dragon: This is the last time. Unicorn: Hell yeah! Dragon: [toasts unicorns marshmallow]
@IncrediblyRich: If Bob The Builder's slogan is "Can he fix it?" then he's not really a builder is he? More of a repairman.
@SamuelHLowe: - I'm your son's teacher and I'm calling to tell you that he may be a compulsive liar. - And a damn good one. I don't have any sons.
@gobmentcheese: I like to stand next to a stranger on the elevator and whisper, "I read what you said on the internet."