@DayneDimmick: I feel bad for spiders. I tripon my two feet all the time. Can only imagine the hell a clumsy spider goes through.
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@QwertyJones3: The only thing worse than finding a hair in your food is realizing that the person who prepared it has a bald head.
@MarfSalvador: her: cute dog, what's his name? me: this is indiana jones her: oh cool from raiders of the lost ark! me: no [picking up poop] he's not been in any movies
@OhSweetCharity: Damn boy, are you my yoga class? Because I want to get hot and sweaty with you in 37 different poses and then not be able to walk tomorrow.
@bidenandobama: Biden: Think about it like an investment opportunity. Obama: I'm not buying you an above ground pool, Joe.