@AGreaterMonster: I feel bad I punched that guy, but he shouldn't get so close to my punching bag. I should stop leaving my punching bag by my office door.
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@Contwixt: Went to get coffee for a coworker. I effed up the order, but used it as a teaching opportunity to illustrate the dangers of outsourcing.
@OakHill_: Elf on the Shelf Log: Day 1: I hung him from a lamp, oh the hilarity. Day 6: I think he IS moving at night. Day 9: He’s in my liquor again. Day 12: Wife and kids moved out, Jingles thinks it’s for the best. Day 21: *house burns, sirens wail in the distance.
@somecleverthing: Want to avoid making excuses when people ask you to hang out? Always say no when someone asks "wanna hear something amazing?"