@Crap_Advisor: I feel like a tampon... In the right place... at the wrong time..
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@Not_Uncle_Hoot: I made the kids put sunglasses on the snowman so he wouldn't have to make eye contact with the neighbors.
@MissBamantha: Overheard a girl just say she's full because she ate at 3:00. It's 6:00. How can you stay full for THREE HOURS, alien?
@unravelingfire: Do hairy people get bed head all over? Ma'am, I just called to see if you're happy with your cell phone provider. But probably they do.
@abbycohenwl: [chameleon conference] Boss: Is... everyone here? *crickets* Boss: I know Keith is. He brought the yummy crickets. Thx Keith: You're welcome