@SaxMouse: I feel like all bears are Bad News Bears. I've never seen a bear and was like "Oh, he looks like he has good news for us, lets stick around"
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@SamuelHLowe: - I'd like to make a reservation. - Name? - Matthew McConaughey. - Can you spell that for me? - No.
@Cheeseboy22: Just gave my next door neighbor a giant bag of candy to dump in my sons trick or treat bucket on Halloween so I can go home after one house.
@UncleDuke1969:  SON: I have the sniffles. WIFE: Let’s get you to the ER!  ME: I just took half my finger off with the saw! DAD: Go get the hydrogen peroxide and a stapler. ME: … DAD: Grab me a beer on your way.