@MarkAgee: I feel like Donald Trump and Bill Clinton have a $1 bet that Trump can make Hillary president and Bill can make her not president.
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@brianbowman73: I was once put in the 'friend zone," but with perseverance that all changed. I'm now in the 'must stay 200 yards away at all times zone.'
@weinerdog4life: Justin Beiber has 23 million followers and I just got unfollowed by a horse magazine.
@Instinctivetip: [marriage counselling] Her: he always thinks he's talking to me on CB radio Me: I don't, over Her: It's over Me: It's what? Over