@phranqueigh: I feel like every time a GOP candidate drops out, Oompa Loompas should appear & sing a song to teach us about the perils of gluttony & greed
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@TravLeBlanc: I'm not a womanizer! They were all women when I found them!
@Samiam556: Walks you into the bedroom. Stands you up straight against the wall. *you notice the sign that says "You must be this tall to ride this guy"
@batkaren: [Cretaceous Period] T-REX: *eating pterodactyl, sad* I just wish it were meatier... DRUNK GUARDIAN ANGEL: A meteor? Tha's weird but ok 1 sec
@jordan_stratton: Oh, man. My grandma caught me texting my OTHER grandma and now things are super tense.
@Sarcasticsapien: I hate the phrase "let me clarify" because it means someone is about to talk some more.
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