@LeftBlank___: She shouted "GET SOMETHING TO PUT ON BEE STINGS" I fetched her one of her bras. Now we're not talking. Apparently.

@SardonicTart: It took me 13 years but I finally deleted most of my e-mails.

@XplodingUnicorn: [Who Wants to be a Millionaire] Me: I'm stumped. Can I phone a friend? Host: What's your friend's name? Me: Wikipedia.

@BrownDogBlanket: Test your friendship today by liking and retweeting all the replies to a friend, but not their original tweet.

@flashember: [inventor of the zoo] *sees deer gamboling freely through the forest and exotic birds flying blissfully through the air* this has to stop