@phranqueigh: I feel like every time a GOP candidate drops out, Oompa Loompas should appear & sing a song to teach us about the perils of gluttony & greed
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@Pork_Chop_Hair: Him: Don't get your panties in a bunch. Me: It's called a bulk pack, Todd. That's how Costco sells them.
@KKAlThani: My personal trainer told me to listen to my body at the gym so I punched him in the face and went to get some ice cream.
@iwearaonesie: *SNAP* *wife screams* *walks over to me* *cups my face with her hands* *looks me in the eye* "why is there a mousetrap in the fridge?"