@robfee: I feel like Frosted Flakes gives kids an unreasonable expectation of how friendly tigers are when you try to feed them a bowl of cereal.
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@juneohara65: "And to my heirs, I will leave all this...." *gestures toward 146 half-full nail polishes, all roughly the same color
@nd_L_: If only the person that named “walkie talkies” had been in charge of naming so many more household objects.
@jordan_stratton: [Walks up to stranger] Me: "Excuse me, would you take my picture?" Him: "Sure." Me: "Great!" [I hand him a beautiful 5x7 portrait of me]
@dafloydsta: [getting a checkup] DOCTOR: On average, how much alcohol do you drink in a day? ME: *sweating* NO ONE SAID THERE WOULD BE ANY MATH