@simoncholland: I feel like HGTV is creating some false expectations for the attractiveness of the contractor you hire for home renovations.
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@TheRolo: I don't know who you are, but if you don't stop sending me phone books, I will find you.....and I will kill you.
@neverknownfacts: Whenever a character in a book praises the cleverness of another character’s idea, it’s really just the author praising their own idea.
@shanethevein: The best thing about Twitter is that I can reveal my deepest and darkest secrets and you dumbasses think I'm joking.
@peeznuts: Child in a car: Strap them to the seat or you will be fined and jailed. Bus full of children: They'll be fine just throw em in there.