@WiseguyPictures: "I feel like I got off on the wrong foot." - Star of a foot fetish flick criticizing his performance
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@Demented_Jokes: Post natal depression is a serious condition. I'm 38 years old and my mum still bursts into tears every time she sees me.
@UncleDuke1969: [loud knocking] “OPEN UP. IT’S THE POLICE!” Me: Prove it. “HOW?” Me: Sing “Roxanne.”
@animaldrumss: [ronald mcdonald in fake mustache sidles up to group of teens] mcdonalds sucks right guys? Let's discuss ways they could improve their image
@KingRainhead: i always wear this epi pen its rly special. my friend gave it to me literally as he was dying it seemed very important to him that i have it