@WiseguyPictures: "I feel like I got off on the wrong foot." - Star of a foot fetish flick criticizing his performance
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@itsthatAsh: Commas are the coolest punctuation, because they're like "Yeah, you haven't got time to stop, but you can chill for a little bit."
@ibid78: GOD: let's make an armored raccoon that turns into a bowling ball ANGEL: but why wou- GOD: and we'll call it an armadillo for some reason
@Marlebean: That's disgusting! Where did you learn to do that?! Don't wipe boogers on Mommy's pillow! Wipe it on Daddy's
@Brianhopecomedy: I'm circling the auto shop and hoping that my mechanic can hear me yelling, "BRAKES!".