@tsm560: I feel like I'm always on the outside looking in... and great the cops are here again.
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@Sorrowscopes: Cancer: Expect a minor shakeup at work this week when you find your boss eating what's left of Gary.
@bombsydoll: "I am not a human garbage disposal" *eats leftover mac n cheese anyway* *makes terrible grinding noise after accidentally swallowing fork*
@joshwillhall: My boyfriend: *leaves the room* The fbi agent in my webcam: No I totally see what you mean. Me: right? He's weird today. How's your husband? FBI agent: he wants us to open our marriage Me: that's rough janet.
@bridger_w: "Oh, are you driving?" -Good question to ask someone as they force you into their trunk