@TwatWaffler69: I feel like landlords who don't allow dogs but DO allow children don't know very much about children.
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@ValeeGrrl: 7yo: Let's not talk ALL day today 6yo: Ok! Me: *holy shit yessss* 7yo: LET'S ONLY WHISTLE AND CLAP INSTEAD Me: Right. Of course.
@sixfootcandy: Him: Let's get you out of that dress. Me: Be careful Him: Why? Me: If you tug at my Spanx hard enough, I'll pop open like a can of biscuits.
@Chumpstring: patient: i wanna feel young again doctor: have you tried moving into a bad apartment and selling marijuana