@LOsepyan: I feel like life would be so much more enjoyable if punching bags and pinatas were strategically placed throughout the day
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@Mikecanrant: Not trying to be racist or ignorant but...nnseriously, all crocodiles and alligators look alike.
@MariyaAlexander: My years of napping and making out with strangers have prepared me for a solid career as a CPR dummy
@ddsmidt: If you love someone, tell them. If they make a throat slash motion when they see you coming, it's probably not reciprocated.
@longwall26: "Hello, cops? A man in an apron attacked my hair with scissors!" "LOL sir, that was a barber." "He was black." "We're sending a battleship."