@foxnerdrn: I feel like my parents grossly overstated the number of times I'd be offered candy by strangers.
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@DaddyJew: "Get off the phone" "Wash your hands" "Pull up your pants" "Make me dinner" My son runs a pretty tight ship in our household
@aveuaskew: It isn't a successful BBQ until some drunken idiot walks face first into a closed sliding glass door. I'm fine by the way.
@AGreaterMonster: *BUSTS DOWN DOOR* *Fires off jokes* *Kidnappers helpless in laughter* "..and that's how your granpappy saved baby Jesus." - Me, someday