@MandiAtRandom: I feel like something is missing from my life and I don't know if it's a person, a puppy, or just a burrito.
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@XplodingUnicorn: If you still have a landline, I assume you also own a butter churn and ride a dinosaur to work.
@ariscott: For someone so concerned with marriage licenses, God sure was focused on dinosaurs for 180 million years.
@davedittell: "anything new with you?" not really "any cool projects at work? nope "meeting with friends?" no "seeing anybody?" why are you doing this?
@Fred_Delicious: "IS THERE A DOCTOR ON THE PLANE???" [i stand up super fast & knock myself out on the luggage compartment, requiring another doctor]