@AbbyHasIssues: I feel like whoever named it a "magic marker" was really overselling their product expectation-wise.
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@TySmithdrums: When I'm at a bar with my cousin she doesn't think it's funny when I yell 'BUT HE'S YOUR GYNECOLOGIST!' every time the music dies down.
@SteveSuckington: "You can have sex with my sister over my dead body" "Umm, I appreciate the weird offer, but I'm just gonna do it in my car"
@Tmoney68: "Can I get a do-over?" - Me, playing golf, tennis (or pretty much any sport), taking a test, having sex, making a speech, living my life....
@BradBroaddus: Can someone please invent pantyhose that don't rip? I think everyone in this bank just saw my face.