@bourgeoisalien: I feel pretty smart until I realize the wild ducks I’m surprised by on my neighbor’s lawn are metal lawn ornaments he’s had for 5 years.
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@MatCro: [4 strangers are smearing their bodily fluids on each other] [one turns to camera] "There has to be a better way." VOICEOVER: "Hot tubs."
@pakalupapito: i would lose weight but i hate losing
@Marlebean: With my husband's inability to find anything, I'm really surprised we have children.
@patnspankme: Exercise good judgement? I don’t think so, I don’t exercise anything.
@Reverend_Scott: Carl: So hot today. Me: Tell me something I don't know. Carl: During WW II, Americans tried to train bats to drop bombs. Me: Fair enough.
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