@El_nacho_Nigre: I feel so alive when I watch an object fall and shatter into hundreds of pieces. Not alive enough to clean up the mess though.
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@tourettzgoth: Keep an identical glass of vodka next to the glass of water on your bedside table for a refreshing morning game of Russian Roulette
@DanMentos: "There's Dave" Regular Dave or Dave who thinks he's a hotdog and "f" is a vowel? [cut to Dave writing in a book titled "Diary of an frank"]
@BobbyAwful: I don't pluck my unibrow to look good, I do it because McDonald's sued me for illegal use of the double arches.