@Bredwh: I felt bad for the monster so once a week we switch and I sleep under the bed.
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@BritXNic: Been told I'm a pretty awful human being. I stopped listening after he said I was pretty.
@qwertying: Husband: Why are there broken condoms on our couch? Wife: Would you please call our children by their real names.
@LurkAtHomeMom: Being an adult is mostly just wondering if the stuff in the dishwasher is dirty or clean while eating soup out of a sand castle bucket.
@Phoebetate: To the squirrel carrying the mushroom up a tree to his nest: you may want to eat that with your feet firmly on the ground, buddy.