@_SingleBabyMama: I figured out the best time to go grocery shopping these days is at 3:45 AM, before the Girl Scouts even wake up. Ha, I'll show them.
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@noog: "I think that kid's a robot" What? "Look at his mouth" Relax they're just braces *backs away slowly* "That's exactly what a robot would say"
@GrandadJFreeman: I hate when new parents ask who the baby looks like. It was born 15 minutes ago, it looks like a potato.
@Schmoodles: If I ever have a heart attack, I'm deleting my internet history before I call an ambulance. Better safe than sorry.
@kelkulus: I like how Subway sells "healthy footlong" sandwiches, as if anything is healthy when you're eating it by the foot.