@santhonythomas: I finally figured out what flies and mosquitoes are for. They're gods way of making us slap ourselves.
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@MaraWritesStuff: "Your former crush likes this thing" "Your former crush likes this thing" "Your former crush likes this thing" -Facebook
@pixelatedboat: To be honest you were our third choice for this poisoner job but the other two got poiso... oh that was you, nice
@bgirl314: 5: Mommy can we pee in the pool? M: NO! Neighbors kid: Why? M: Because pee mixed with chlorine produces sharks and they'll eat and kill you.