@santhonythomas: I finally figured out what flies and mosquitoes are for. They're gods way of making us slap ourselves.
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@trojansauce: [dinner party] mario: what's in this risotto? me: mushroom, you're not allergic? mario: *grows to like 20 feet*
@CornOnTheGoblin: if you're literally asking me to choose between our relationship and my career as a reporter well then I've got some news for you
@Shelts99: I may have hit rock bottom, but the upside of being down here, is I can see up all of your skirts. As you were.