@MasterOfFury: If you're only18, please don't tweet philosophy and proverb verbiage based on your first love and the difficulty of your inexperienced life.

@TellingTellers: An interrogator that just goes into the room and loudly eats a peach until the suspect confesses to everything.

@animaldrumss: Rembrandt was unsurpassed in his ability to depict light and shadow in his works, until the camera came out. then he got insanely surpassed

@funnyfries: I just met a woman who told me she had "trouble keeping weight on" in times of stress. I ate her.

@KeetPotato: new mum: “you can play with the baby but keep it light hearted nothing too scary something that won't leave mental scars” every grandad on earth: “im gonna pretend i took his nose off"